Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
