I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
