Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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