Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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