Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
