I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
