I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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