alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
