They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
