is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
