You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
