420 ftw
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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