i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I sprained my soul last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
