Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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