I'm gonna have a badass scar
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
