Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
