I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
