Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
