Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
