someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize