I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
