I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sext me about skeletons
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
