and you said cock pushups were impossible
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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