I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
