...so i touched it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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