I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
