I feel like abortions should bother me more
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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