Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize