Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
