The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
