Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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