she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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