I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
