Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dear god my vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
