I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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