I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
