just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
