Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
