What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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