we have officially lost it.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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