it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize