His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
