Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
