You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
