maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
