were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
why is half of my head shaved?
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