I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
