i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
