My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize