i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She bit a glass in half.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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