were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
