His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
