I cannot find my penis.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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