I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
