Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
