Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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