its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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