you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
