Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As shirtless as possible
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
