just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
