I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
