I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
