I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
