I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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