This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
