you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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