I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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