I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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