I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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