I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
