the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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