this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
