My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize