It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
