Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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