nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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