he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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